Emeka is a 34-year-old logistics manager in Lagos. His wife delivered their first child after three years of trying, including one miscarriage. The birth was celebrated widely by both families. Emeka described feeling grateful in the first few weeks but noticed he was not sleeping well and was irritable, tearful, and sometimes withdrawn. He started worrying that he would not be a good father and kept waking up to check on his new child. He would place his hand in front of the baby’s nose to be sure of breathing.
When it was all becoming too much, with excessive worry, constant checking, and increasing irritability and moodiness, his wife encouraged him to see a doctor. He was diagnosed with paternal postpartum depression (PPPD). He refused hospitalisation but engaged in ongoing psychiatric outpatient follow-up.
David is a 41-year-old secondary school teacher in Nairobi, separated from his wife when their two sons were aged six and nine. The separation was contentious. A custody arrangement gave him access every other weekend. He described the transition from daily fatherhood to seeing his children four days a month as “like a bereavement nobody acknowledged.” Over the following year, David became increasingly isolated.
He stopped playing football with friends, lost weight, and began having passive thoughts that his children would be better off without him. He did not present to any mental health service. He was, by external appearances, managing well, still going to work, and still showing up for his access weekends. But he was severely depressed.
Femi is a 29-year-old man who grew up with a father who was physically present but emotionally cold, never expressed affection, dismissed tears, and communicated primarily through criticism. When he got married and had his first daughter, he was determined to be different. He read parenting books, attended antenatal classes with his wife, and was present at the birth. By his daughter’s first birthday, Femi was experiencing significant anxiety. He was hypervigilant about his emotional responses, constantly monitoring himself for signs that he was “becoming his father.”
When he raised his voice once during a stressful moment, he spiraled into shame and intrusive thoughts that he was becoming like his father and that he was not a good enough father. He began avoiding being alone with his daughter, which his wife found confusing and hurtful. Femi was caught between the genuine desire to parent differently and an absence of any lived model for what emotionally available fatherhood looked like.
Femi reluctantly connected with a psychologist and started therapy sessions. Therapy focused on processing his childhood, distinguishing his identity from his father’s, and building tolerance for normal parenting imperfections.
Discussion
Fatherhood and mental health are underexplored, and many fathers are left without much language or support for what they experience. Becoming a father involves a significant psychological transition where a man renegotiates his sense of self, his relationship with his own father, and his place in the world. When this goes well, it’s deeply meaningful; when it doesn’t, it can trigger depression, emotional distress, or relationship conflict.
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Some of the mental health challenges men experience includes paternal postpartum depression (PPPD), anxiety, identity shift, grief, and loss. Research estimates that between eight and 10 per cent of new fathers experience paternal postpartum depression, and it is more frequent when the mother is also depressed. It often looks different in men, and it often goes undetected.
New and expectant fathers commonly experience anxiety around providing financially, being a “good enough” father, relationship changes, and loss of identity. Anxiety disorders in fathers tend to go undiagnosed because men are less likely to seek help. Infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, and neonatal loss all carry significant psychological weight for fathers, but they rarely request or get support.
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Beyond the newborn stage, fathers face other persistent mental health stressors. These pressures include the pressure to be a provider even during financial challenges, the need to break the cycle of emotional unavailability common among fathers, invisible emotional stress, and, in some cases, separation challenges during divorce and custody conflict.
Engaged fatherhood also has mental health benefits. It gives a sense of purpose and meaning that buffers against depression. It also results in increased community-building behavior and reduced risk-taking in younger men. Many men also experience emotional growth and are motivated to seek professional mental health help to be better for their children.
The major issue is the lack of help-seeking behavior among many fathers. This means many fathers suffer in silence until a crisis point. Mental health literacy and prompt professional help are critical for struggling fathers.
Three things we can all do
1. Promote mental health awareness for the general public—everyone needs it, but for the purpose of this article, men especially need it.
2. Develop empathy, support, and kindness for all. Every human being, male or female, has emotions and feelings. EVERYONE experiences hurt, anxiety, grief, and emotional pain.
3. Encourage help-seeking when emotional difficulties become apparent. There are competent mental health professionals who can help you navigate these challenges.
[Tribune]
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