In most Nigerian families, the dynamics of power shift through different stages of life. Many fathers start as the authoritative figure, only to find themselves sidelined later in life. Why does this happen? Let’s break it down.
The first 25 years of family life are often dominated by the father. He is the provider, the decision-maker, and sometimes, the disciplinarian. Many fathers rule with an iron fist, ensuring their children fear them more than they love them. The father’s role is clear—he works tirelessly to provide, while the mother often serves as the nurturer, the one who bonds with the children on a deeper emotional level.
Then, a shift occurs. As the children grow up, finish school, and begin earning their own money, their loyalty often gravitates toward their mother. She was the one who comforted them, listened to their problems, and stood beside them when their father was too busy or too strict. The mother becomes the center of their emotional world. When gifts are given, when financial support is needed, when babysitting is required—it’s the mother they call first.
By the time the children have moved out and started their own families, the balance of power has completely changed. The father, once the head of the household, now finds himself on the sidelines. If tensions arise between him and his wife, the children almost always take their mother’s side, reinforcing the divide. In many cases, fathers who once ruled with absolute authority now find themselves feeling isolated, unheard, and, in some heartbreaking cases, completely abandoned.
For men who failed to build an emotional connection with their family, old age can be particularly harsh. Health issues like hypertension and stroke become common, worsened by stress and loneliness. A man may have provided for his family, but if he never nurtured relationships, he may find himself surrounded by people yet feeling utterly alone.
So, what’s the lesson here? Fathers, while you are in a position of power, think beyond the present. Lead with love, not just authority. Bond with your children, spend time with your wife, and create a home built on respect, not fear. One day, when the power shifts, you will want to be remembered as a father who was loved,not just obeyed.
To children, never forget the sacrifices your father made. He may not have been perfect, but he worked hard to give you a future. Honor both your parents and care for them in their old age. This is not just about gratitude,it’s about setting an example for your own future.
To mothers, do not turn your children against their father. Parenting is a difficult journey, and no one has a perfect manual. Instead of fostering division, encourage love and understanding.
Family is everything. May we all strive to build bonds that stand the test of time.
